Majestic beet greens

Let's suppose your wish as a cook/food blogger comes true. What would that be? Perhaps to write a cookbook or two or maybe even 101 of them? Maybe a chance to work in a fine restaurant? Or perhaps eat there for free courtesy of the owner?

My wish is to invent (or is it discover) new recipes that gain a following. The hard part is finding a new recipe. With all the cooks out there, pretty much everything simple has been tried. For example, bacon wrapped dates were a stroke of genius. Perhaps it is the "bad" cooks who cause much of the challenge, as even deep fried Twinkies have been "discovered".

My discovery follows in the vein of the great discoveries of penicillin and cheese. Namely, there was spoilage. Several years back, I bought some beets and they sat in the refrigerator for a tad longer than USDA would recommend. However, I needed some greens for my meal and I looked at my wilted, tired, decaying beet greens with sadness. So with desperation and a dash of self-anger, I picked through the greens salvaging whatever I could. A good fifth of the leaves were complete mush and had to be tossed. Another third of the leaves had to be pruned or cropped, as I cut away the spoiled bits. None of the leaves were fresh anymore. There were spots appearing and their texture had a toughness from age. I definitely wasn't going to tell Sarah what shape these greens were in.

I chopped them up, threw them in a pan with some butter and salt and cooked them. Then I added more butter just for good measure. The rest of the items in that meal, I don't remember, but the beet greens I do.

There was a sublime richness due to the greens and the butter interacting beautifully, along with a the hearty earthy flavors of the greens. I was blown away, as was my wife. Holy crap, were they good. One of the nicest dishes of cooked greens in my life.

I subsequently bought beet greens and cooked them up fresh. The leaves were all a beautiful spring green. And ...nothing. They were OK, but nothing special. I started to hypothesize that maybe the greens need to be spoiling, but it has taken me two years to finally retry that experiment. Yesterday was the day.



I had bought greens from the farmers market. Two weeks ago. A full beet is pretty big so I had used two plastic bags to cover each half but the bags had gotten a bit separated. What I pulled out was an even uglier sight than the original. A 30 inch long mass of mess. I tossed about half the leaves and pruned another fifth. (The picture above shows the greens I tossed. That dark color is from getting old, not cooking. There was one fresh leaf among the bad ones... can you tell which one?) This time I also smelled the rotting leaves. It was salty and minerally in a good way. Interesting. And when I cooked them up this time, I was more sparse on the butter. But the verdict is in, my first recipe discovery is Majestic rotten beet greens. Yumm...


Buying beet greens is an adventure in and of itself. Mostly because you're buying garbage. In that most people just want the beets a throw away the greens. I buy my greens at the Mountain View Farmers Market (pictured). On one occasion, a woman bought beets and so did I. I then asked if she wanted the greens and of course she didn't. So we swapped. My beets for her greens.

On another occasion, the person before me bought 2 bunches of beets and the vendor immediately cut off the greens and threw them into their box of unwanted produce garbage. Now one thing I've learned is that asking for free food from a farmer's market stall, in part so I don't have to buy anything does not result a smile. So I bought some beets and then asked the vendor if I could have the greens he just threw in the garbage. Puzzled he asked "you want this?" Oh, the adventure in the hunt for unwanted greens.

Majestic Rotten Beet Greens

Bunch of beet greens, that are not remotely fresh
Butter
Salt

Sift through the greens throwing away as little as you can stand. I personally discard mush and parts of leaves that have turned fairly dark brown or worse. Cut off the (red) stems.

Heat a large frying pan and add enough butter to form a thin layer, say 1 tbsp. When butter is hot, put the stems in the pan and cook for 1 minute over medium high heat. Add more butter if desired and wait for it to melt. Add leaves and toss until they start to wilt, perhaps 60 seconds. Salt if desired. Turn heat on low and cover the pan for 3-5 minutes.